I keep saying next year, when she is in school she will have her own friends, well she had school this year, she has one girl she talks about, everyone else is Jack's friend or my friends' kids.
Then, because procrastination got the best of me again, the place we wanted her party was booked. Although to not let her feel so bad, I did do this for Jack and by the time I booked his party the first choice was also all booked. Where we booked provideseverything, so I figured less for me to do, so she won't have the cute matching plates, cups and napkins. I did buy the matching candle though, that counts right? I did find favor bags too match and for the boys I did another theme, I was thoughtful in that aspect, +1 for mommy?
So even if I slacked on certain things, I have been thinking of her birthday the whole time. That counts too right? Also all other holidays are even with thought, I don't forget halloween costumes and she always had a pretty outfit at Christmas. So it's not 2nd child syndrome all the time. Maybe it will be easier when she can help me, or for her Sweet 16 since she is the only girl, I can out do it all then? Or she will maybe be like me and ask for just pizza and a DJ.
Well in less then a month Char will be 3, and my little #disasterbaby (yes I call her hashtag disaster baby), just look it up and you will see why- all the mayhem, messes and daring things she does, she is off to preschool-3 and getting big. I don't cry for their birthdays and them getting older. I do cry at the fact that they talk back, have attitudes and like to fight nonstop. That is siblings, and they are very close siblings. Nothing can replace a siblings love and bond. They can mess with eachother but if anyone else interfers, they are the first to stick up for each other too.
So really it's mom guilt. Guilt that I did more for one than the other. Gulit that I was home with Jack more than Char before going back to work. Guilt that one had or has more. Mommy guilt that shouldn't be guilt at all. This is what I am starting: Every time I feel guilt, I am going to list what I feel guilty for. Next to that guilt list I am going to write down everything I do for my kids and everything they have. I know that list will be much longer. I love both equally, I am blessed. So I know I really should have no guilt. It's just one of those things that comes with the "mom" title.