Last Thursday I am had surgery, it started as a gall bladder issue back in the beginning of August. Once finding out I needed surgery to remove it in September, I decided to also have my tubes removed after discussing lots with Tim and myself. Also thinking it through, I have two incredibly beautiful kids, I have "the dream" boy-girl duo, I have two in full time school now. We have time to travel, things are easy, and life is good. I love my family as is.
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| Traveling Trio in September while in PA |
My decision to have my tubes removed at 30 ended up being an easy one. Back in February at my annual exam, I had discussed with my doctor that at 35 if I hadn't had the urge or another kid by then I would choose to have my tubes removed then. I figured at 35, the kids would be 10 and 9, I wasn't going to start over then. On top of the doubt of starting over, I worried about the health of another baby, deformities and health issues. I had easy recoveries from both c-sections, but the stress of their births and after dealing with immediate doctors, specialists and surgeons, I have feelings of loss and anxiety.
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| Jack, my first |
Starting over for me is not appealing, for the past two summers vacation has been throwing clothes in a suitcase or book bag and going. No bottles, diapers, sleep routines and accessories. After Jack was born with his hand deformity, needed extra tests done on his kidneys and hearing immediately. Then, we met with specialists within the first 24 hours. A lot to handle as first time parents.
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| Jack meeting Char, dukes up! |
Charlotte was a routine cesarean, everything was picked out and set. The day after she was born a hurricane hit and outside the hospital shut down, we were find indoors thankfully. She was born on a Friday, we went home Tuesday and on Wednesday she started vomiting every 3rd bottle up, even drinking less she was taking in while in nursery. Friday we took her back to hospital and she was readmitted for another 4 days. She has kidney infection, urinary tract infection and renal reflux (urine was pushing back into kidney) and she was just 7 days old. To have a baby with a third medical/health/issue, I cannot deal with it emotionally or mentally anymore. My feeling of loss is just have a baby to bring home without anything to deal with immediately.
I feel starting over would also stop Jack and Charlotte from doing things they are currently into and want to continue. How can I have a baby out at games, running all over in the car, we would have to slow down for sure. Also the bond Jack and Charlotte have now, is incredible. They are each others best friends, worst enemies and protectors all in one. Although they mention babies, its a novelty not life, with one 5 years younger, I would feel they need a sibling to have the connection the first two have. Then I would be up to FOUR. NOPE! With two, I can handle alone, with two we just go, with two they share a room.
My family is officially complete. My Jack and my Charlotte. The loves of my life.
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